try to give your friends spirit animals

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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fap

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.