When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.