see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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i masturbate with my feet

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.