Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.