Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I hold my breath in elevators

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.