How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.