everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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i masturbate with my feet

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.