When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -41

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -47

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

thumb_up thumb_down -49

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

thumb_up thumb_down -53

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -59

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.