When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.