For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.