when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I hold my breath in elevators

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.