I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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fap

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Being fat

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.