eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.