Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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listen to madonnas new album

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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Poo really loud

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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k. everyone

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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make south park refferences every day

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.