I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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I was the real Stig...

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.