I can't piss with my shoes on.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.