I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.