Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.