I can't piss with my shoes on.

you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

pull out a flies wings and let it go

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.