I can't piss with my shoes on.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.