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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.