use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.