Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.