Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.