WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.