Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.