I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

thumb_up thumb_down +2

always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

thumb_up thumb_down

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

thumb_up thumb_down -10

think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.