as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.