When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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blink

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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Poo really loud

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.