When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Tough but loving hands!! Mmm them calluses tho!! ^_^

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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humiliating little girls

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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listen to madonnas new album

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.