When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.