Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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listen to madonnas new album

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.