while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.