I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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I think about other women when having sex

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.