- Things You Think Only You Do

Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

test how many stares you can scale in one step

Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

I Masturbate Daily.

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.