- Things You Think Only You Do

I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

I Masturbate Daily.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.