when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

I can't piss with my shoes on.

Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

The older I get the more honest I get

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

I piss in the bed every night

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.