when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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I piss in the bed every night

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.