Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.