Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -111

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

thumb_up thumb_down +22

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.