- Things You Think Only You Do

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

I always go to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals in my arms at the same time because I think that they get lonely and sad if I pick certain ones. Then again I sometimes wonder if they secretly hate me and think I'm a weird creep for hugging all of them every night. I'm 24.

I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.