Sleep with pillow between legs

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.