When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.