Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Courtesy flush.

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fap

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.