I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.