when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Eating chicken at KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Food is always tastier the SECOND time you heat it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

fall asleep in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

thumb_up thumb_down -49

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -73

im going to kill that person and get away with it

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.