Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

thumb_up thumb_down -10

turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

thumb_up thumb_down -38

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.