Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I gotta get down of Friday

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.