Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.