Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

I was the real Stig...

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.