Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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I mean Diana Ross.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.