Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.