- Things You Think Only You Do

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Courtesy flush.

You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

Only use the left earphone.

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

Believing in the kindness of strangers

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.