I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I was the real Stig...

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.