see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.