Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.