I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.