I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Being fat

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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I **** with no hands.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.