fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.