Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

only read the short jokes on this website

thumb_up thumb_down -36

when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I hate being called "buddy".

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

thumb_up thumb_down -52

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -56

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -60

when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.