- Things You Think Only You Do

fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.