Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.