I used to eat bath bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

thumb_up thumb_down -31

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

thumb_up thumb_down -37

RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -43

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

thumb_up thumb_down -45

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

thumb_up thumb_down -49

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

thumb_up thumb_down -51

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -53

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.