Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.