Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I cant ride a bike

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Smoking in the shower.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.