If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Hthe temptation to go up on the roof but when u get to where u go out get freaked and run away

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.