whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.