only read the short jokes on this website

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.