I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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I hit the frig after sex

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.