When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.