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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.