see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -43

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

fap

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -61

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Sitting down in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -61

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

try to give your friends spirit animals

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Thinking your life is a movie...

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.