shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.