When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Only use the left earphone.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.