use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

I have autofocus in my eyes.

i masturbate with my feet

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.