Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

i masturbate with my feet

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.