When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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I think about other women when having sex

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.