I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.