Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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I cant ride a bike

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.