shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.