I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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I cant ride a bike

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.