I cant ride a bike

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.