after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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I **** with no hands.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.