after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

I **** with no hands.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.