that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.