Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.