- Things You Think Only You Do

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

Smoking in the shower.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

I rehearse arguments in my head.

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.