Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.