When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.