How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.