Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

thumb_up thumb_down -74

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

thumb_up thumb_down -76

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

thumb_up thumb_down -5

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.