When I am bored, usually in class, I simulate what I would do if the zombie apocalypse was occurring right now.

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I always leave a little coffee in the pot so that it becomes someone elses problem

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Pronouncing 'garage' as 'grozhh'

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Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

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from now on in gonna eat healthier! *seeing chocolate* hm... okay i'll make an exemption today but from TOMORROW on!!!

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Having a dream where I am in a sex Ed class and instead of looking at slides experiencing everything firsthand

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When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

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When taking a shit, I get freaked out in case I get teleported to a place with lots of people by a scientist from the future or something.

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When eating chips/cereal (out of the box)/any small snacks I put an even amount in my mouth and divide them evenly on each side of my mouth and chew them like that.

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Wheneveri brush my teeth, I make a snarling face.

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put my headphones in but don't listen to any music so people don't bother me.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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At home stay on the toilet a few minutes after you finish your business

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

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when the teacher is asking the class something and i have no idea I'm looking at the paper in front of me, pretending to still making notes and thinking to myself 'don't take me, don't take me...'

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Think I'm going to fall down when I step onto an esculator that's not moving.

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When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

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when someone is playing a song which i really like but don't know the name of it i either try to guess the name by the lyrics or i try to read the name from their iPod without them noticing and then immediately make a note on my mobile and saving it.

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I have to fart real bad but people are around me , so I try to silent fart

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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RAPE CHILDREN

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.