Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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Pee in the shower.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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Thinking that someone is seeing everything from your eyes while you are using the bathroom, and then quickly looking up to avoid embarassment.

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jack off

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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Okay so probably like everyone else, when Schapelle Corby was found with drugs on her in bali I thought she was innocent but now since she was let out of the prison I am wondering if she did do it?

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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whenever there is a person I really, really hate, I imagion them dying in a cruel and painful way.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.