Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Even if it's something as innocent as a simple google search, I'm still inexplicably terrified when my parents draw near and could potentially see it. I silently flip out and frantically hide it like it's porn or something. ..And I don't even look at porn :I

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Thinking that someone is seeing everything from your eyes while you are using the bathroom, and then quickly looking up to avoid embarassment.

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jack off

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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Okay so probably like everyone else, when Schapelle Corby was found with drugs on her in bali I thought she was innocent but now since she was let out of the prison I am wondering if she did do it?

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.