When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

thumb_up thumb_down -110

when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -7

when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Think of numbers as male or female.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

When I'm waiting for someone who is late. I go-over in my head how I'm going to greet them. For example "Well, it's about damn time", or "Finally!".

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Whenever I'm doing my makeup I pretend I'm doing a makeup tutorial on Youtube.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

thumb_up thumb_down -147

When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Pee in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.