Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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When making something I pretend I'm making a YouTube video of it and pretend I am getting lots of views

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never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

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Okay so probably like everyone else, when Schapelle Corby was found with drugs on her in bali I thought she was innocent but now since she was let out of the prison I am wondering if she did do it?

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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While washing your hair in the shower, having the weird fear of opening your eyes to see something staring at you.

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At night when alone in my bed...I sometimes pretend like I got hit by a car or something, and my loved one is there with me...and I act out my last words...and how I would act. I've done this occasionally since I was 5. With different scenario's. Schmee

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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whenever there is a person I really, really hate, I imagion them dying in a cruel and painful way.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.