When they say the name of the movie in the movie i get excited o.O

thumb_up thumb_down +44

I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

bounce when your tip toeing.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

thumb_up thumb_down -70

never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Say what even when u heard someone

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Even if it's something as innocent as a simple google search, I'm still inexplicably terrified when my parents draw near and could potentially see it. I silently flip out and frantically hide it like it's porn or something. ..And I don't even look at porn :I

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I always cry when I pray.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

thumb_up thumb_down -169

When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

When I get a worksheet or a piece of paper with BIG TITLES I immediately shade in all of the gaps in the o's, p's, d's and all other 'hole letters'. And then I start shading in all the words when I finish.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.