When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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I have never disliked any video on YouTube with not many views ( no matter how bad it is ) because I feel bad for the uploader.

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Even if it's something as innocent as a simple google search, I'm still inexplicably terrified when my parents draw near and could potentially see it. I silently flip out and frantically hide it like it's porn or something. ..And I don't even look at porn :I

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Thinking our singing voices are amazing, until we record it and play it back.

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never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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I always cry when I pray.

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When im going from one room to the next, i try and get into the other room before the door to the last room closes. If i do, I've won.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.