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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

jack off

look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.