I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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sit in the shower

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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I always cry when I pray.

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

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When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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I laugh easier when im with someone

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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Like a toy until it breaks.

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outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.