Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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When people are whispering you think they are saying bad things

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Say what even when u heard someone

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In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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I have never disliked any video on YouTube with not many views ( no matter how bad it is ) because I feel bad for the uploader.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.