After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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Read for hours... then hear a narrative for everything you do after you stop reading. for ex: "Jen gets out of the car, shutting it with a loud bang. She walks towards the house, noticing the dead squirrel in the road."

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I laugh easier when im with someone

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.