i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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I eat ass

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Think of a bunch of "things you think only you do" after you leave the site

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Pubic hair wishes... While on the toilet you try to pull out a hair... If it comes out close your eyes and make a wish....and throw it into the toilet... Flush... Repeat!

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outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

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I make a conversation with myself when looking at mirrors !

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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I put big spaces in between comments

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.