when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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I have seen a UFO

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

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Make a screeching noise with my mouth as I go around corners in my car too fast.

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On Youtube. Moving the mouse cursor over the video thumbnails thinking it will display different snap shots from the video. And realizing what a guy I am...

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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When drunk, I often grab something, lift it into the air, and yell "I GOT THE POWER!" just in case it turns me into He-Man.

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

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I think about doing evil things to people then i tell the person about it nikki

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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get really embarrassed when i leave the book i read when i poop on the bathroom counter and someone uses the bathroom.

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I talk to myself when I'm alone

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When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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Your mom

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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log off the internet then think of something and go back on

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.