turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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I yawn on command… and hate it. –Ikka

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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Read for hours... then hear a narrative for everything you do after you stop reading. for ex: "Jen gets out of the car, shutting it with a loud bang. She walks towards the house, noticing the dead squirrel in the road."

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Watching tv with family/friends and laughing at something on the show, and then feeling awkward because no one else laughed.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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look at old toys from when you were a kid and remember how they taste.

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Scared to flush the tolite at friends houses in fear that i will wake someone up of break the tolite.

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Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

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Instead of scratching my balls with my hand I rub them vigorously on the bed

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When I remember something embarrassing I did or even something someone else did, I will yell random words. It started just with gasping but now I have like 5 words that I'll say randomly. It's evolved to include stressful or disturbing thoughts and not just embarrassing things. I have a pretty stressful life so I'm basically continuously making random sounds then looking around terrified that someone's heard.

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Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

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Attempting to start phychic conversations with people in public

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.