every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Take baths

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type "haha" because lol is too gay...but slip sometimes and type lol anyway lol....

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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While walking past someone thats wearing sunglasses you stare at them and wonder if there staring a t you aswell

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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When you say something you think is funny but it turns out that it's only funny in your head so once you say it there's this moment of awkwardness and everyone else probably just forgets about it but it haunts you for the rest of your life. ~

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When i'm home alone with the dog i have a conversation with the dog, sometimes in my head & sometimes out loud, in the voice that i think the dog would have if it could speak. Then sometimes i realise that i haven't checked if anybody else is home !

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Look at the time but have to look again 3 seconds later because you forgot.

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Having that feeling of entering the wrong classroom or bus, even though you know it is the right one.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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Realize you are dreaming and try to wake yourself up.

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When I have an argument with someone and they're correcting my grammar over a word that I obviously made up but they're grammar/slash spelling skills suck I want to end them.

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Giving my dog a massage.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalk, I try to count and keep a steady rate of how many times I step on each slab of concrete.

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.