I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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Does anyone else look at people when there talking and then randomly get in on there conversation.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I play video games with the controller under the covers.

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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sit in the shower

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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When I post something on this site, I always do the thumb up at my own post.

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Listen to music while browsing the internet, having facebook open in another tab, and randomly you hear facebook message sounds, even though they aren't really there.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.