im going to kill that person and get away with it

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Pretend to cough in class so other people could pretend to cough

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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Whenever I Iook into the mirror, I think there's a second evil dimension.

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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When on long car rides through the mountains of Cali, look at a fence and pretend its a roller coaster and talk like im on it with a friend. And when the fence ends,name and rate it like it was real -Nirp

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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act like a giant/dinosaur while eating broccoli xD

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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Look at pictures of people who lived a long time ago and wonder how they lived without television and the Internet.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.