when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

thumb_up thumb_down -87

When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Putting your bra on your dogs dead

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When I'm in a public place with a lot of people, I sometimes imagine myself being an epic hero saving everyone there from a monster or some sort of bad guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I peel tiny strings off of cheese sticks because it's more fun and tastes better.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

always hurt urself and blame the object for hurting u

thumb_up thumb_down -26

After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

refuse to like a post because the number is too perfect and you don't want to screw it up

thumb_up thumb_down -48

When watching the news and see all those children and other innocent people die at wars, in my mind I shout at God and ask him why he doesn't give me the sign and my powers to save the world. J.C.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

thumb_up thumb_down -72

At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Never write LOL on a text message, because you don't want to sound too extreme

thumb_up thumb_down -9

When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Thinking you smell really bad and then putting to much deodorant/perfume/ect and you still think you smell bad. Is this just me?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Wonder if anyone doesn't actually talk to themselves for some reason or another at some point in their life. (If so, how can talking to yourself be the first sign of madness? So many people do it...)

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.