When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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Being afraid to close your eyes when you're washing your hair in the shower because you think a murderer will be right there when you open your eyes again. That or Scared to shower when your home alone at night.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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I wonder if a blind person knows how colors look?

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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Pee in the shower

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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when going through this website only read post that have 2 or more thumbs up

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.