you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

thumb_up thumb_down -52

wonder who wrote these things

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Watch scary movies even though your afraid of the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

thumb_up thumb_down -78

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

thumb_up thumb_down -122

I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

close one eye or the other to move an object near by when I'm bored -Noel

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Pee in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -9

When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.