I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.