The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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start planning Halloween costumes on November first.

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.