Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Vote for the other guy

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sing like a pro in da shower

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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wonder who wrote these things

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.