Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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sing like a pro in da shower

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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wonder who wrote these things

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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stare at a word and try to sound it out backwards to see if it spells something backwards.

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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chewing icecream before you swallow it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.