Showering with my uncle Jarrett <3

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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Go to the same website two days in a row and then never again after that

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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Look at a guy and think that he is a good looking guy, than immidiatly try to think of something else because thats gay.

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When I create a situation in my mind where someone is making me mad, then I actually get mad.

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I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

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While watching a movie, I hold my breath whenever there is a scene with the main character underwater just to see how long i would last in that situation.

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Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.