Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +35

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

thumb_up thumb_down +19

do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Wondering who would cry at your funeral

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Make hand gestures when talking on phone

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

thumb_up thumb_down +28

It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I piss in the bed every night

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sometimes I walk around my house with my eyes closed and pretend I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Pee in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -2

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Look at a guy and think that he is a good looking guy, than immidiatly try to think of something else because thats gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.