Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

I chew around the center of carrots.

I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.