check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Only read the shortest sentences on "Things You Think Only You Do". More than 2 sentences I skip.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Think about breathing...

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.