When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Only read the shortest sentences on "Things You Think Only You Do". More than 2 sentences I skip.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

I chew around the center of carrots.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.