Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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stare at a word and try to sound it out backwards to see if it spells something backwards.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Raising your hand in class, and once you're called on, you say, "I forgot."

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.