I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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Think about breathing...

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.