Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.