I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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Think about breathing...

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.