Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.