Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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chew on the side of my teeth

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.