Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Vote for the other guy

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I don't like just killing bugs in my home so what I do is I would catch them in a tissue and flush them down my toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -18

when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

thumb_up thumb_down -18

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

thumb_up thumb_down -30

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Play as both sides on fifa

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.