fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.