I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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play my ipod all night till my eyes hurt

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Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.