When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.