My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Trace the letters on the front of your textbooks with your finger.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.