The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Still record on VHS tapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I hate being called "buddy".

thumb_up thumb_down -39

call someone by a siblings name.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Don't make a sound when sitting in the stall and someone walks in; and in turn, don't say anything to the person in the stall even if you know who it is!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I chew around the center of carrots.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.