thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.