My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

I chew around the center of carrots.

Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

Pick your dead skin then eat it.

When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

Trace the letters on the front of your textbooks with your finger.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.