Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Boinked my neighbor

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Think about breathing...

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.