I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Try tosing in the same tone and impersonate a girl voice while listening to music in my room, but then quickly start humming in a low voice when someones walking by -Ethan

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I push the door open with my stomach

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I think about other women when having sex

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.