When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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humiliating little girls

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.